Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
