Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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