dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
They have beer where we have blood.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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