I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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