I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
