So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Too much gin, very little bucket
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
