she smelled like a LAN party
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
