the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm just crazy horny about you
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
