this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
