these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
