So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Say something about gay babies.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
