well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
