i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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