apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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