oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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