dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
