she was so not down for the gang bang
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
