If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
