Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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