My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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