Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
