haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
