I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
