Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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