he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
