Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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