he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
