C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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