my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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