she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
