My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
