then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
