Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
