Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
