get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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