My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
