Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
vagina is talking i cant
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
