I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
how drunk are you?
Several
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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