One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
