there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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