I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
