i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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