My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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