I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He is an equal opportunity slut.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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