You made me cry and you don't even care
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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