i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
