Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
