So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
