the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
