He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
